For over 10 years I have been in a rut in my life where I would just live paycheck to paycheck. Taking a step forward meant I would soon be falling 2 steps behind. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to get on par with anything. I felt like I was shackled in chains and being lead down this dark road by a demon.
My parents instilled in me that a well paying job was one of the most important things in life. But what about the things in between like satisfaction in doing what you do? What about the things that I really wanted? I remember telling them that I was going to be lawyer because it was a job that would pay well and it would please them. This attitude is what started me down that path.
I had graduated high school and started working because I really hadn't decided what to take in college. I even applied to BCC but just let that go by the wayside. I started getting into a little debt and promised myself that i would work for a year, clear that debt and all the while, find out what I wanted to go to college for. I have artistic and culinary skills that come naturally to me but I didn't want to chance becoming that starving artist. Although the culinary field wouldn't leave me starving, it wasn't as fulfilling. Pun intended. Well, needless to say, none of that ever happened.
There had to be something more to life than this. Thirteen years later at the ripe young age of 32, I joined the National Guard. The military was always something that lingered in the back of my mind: I would serve my country, it would pay for my education, and offer benefits. To be a part of something bigger than myself. That was something noble but I didn't want to be the average soldier either. How can I help my battle buddies as much as possible by more than just putting lead down range with an M4 rifle. I want to be there for the troops that defended our country. Perhaps I could help soldiers who just came back from a deployment, deal with what they saw out in the war zone.
What makes people do what they do has always fascinated me. A very good friend in the field of psychology once told me that most people who enter his field, try to diagnose themselves. Was he right? Was I on a quest to discover more about myself? Am I doing this for the wrong reasons? No. I wanted to turn my questions into answers. I wanted to help those that felt lost, confused, or hopeless. I want to be that beacon of light through the fog of life that everyone gets caught in. Especially for my fellow soldiers.
With a good education, I can help people who need it most. Using psychology as a catalyst, I would fight the war on a different front. Helping soldiers recover from the damage that terrorism has wreaked on their minds would be my mission. With an education as my shield and the military as my sword I face our demons...prepared.
Post write: I think I did a good job on the essay. I feel like I described some of myself in a nutshell pretty well in paragraphs 1 and 2. I feel like a look over this will help with a better 2nd draft. Did you need more information about who I am as a person? Was the information about me relevant to the essay and what I was trying to accomplish?
Reviewer’s Name: Paige Tavares
ReplyDeleteDate: October 3, 2011
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Nelson Desa
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the
assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your
own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
The assignment is asking the writer to write a one page essay on why
he/she wants to continue with their education, and what personal
experiences did the writer go through to help make this decision in
his/her life.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment?
Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well
there. Again, try to use your own words.
I believe my partner met half of what was expected. He didn’t state the
prompt question or have a title and he didn’t say what college the
question came from. I generally got an idea by reading his essay that
it was going to be about personal experiences and him having to make a
decision. Other than that my partner met all the other expectations in
this assignment in providing evidence to back up his experiences and
thoughts. A passage that I believe works well is when he states in his
last paragraph “With an education as my shield and the military as my
sword I face our demons…prepared.” He uses metaphor to describe by
being in the national guard he realized what he wanted to do for his
education.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as
illustration and describe what isn’t working.
The area that I think needs more work is the order of paragraphs.During peer editing i gave him an idea on what order the paragraphs should go in.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE
suggestion for ways to improve it.
The two question i have are in his fourth paragraph what does he hope to get out of taking up psychology as major what type of degree and what classes are needed to get such degree would he have to transfer out of bcc ?