This I Believe
A dog walks through the park with it's owner on a beautiful fall afternoon. A man and his son see them coming down the path. At first, the child seems apprehensive about this small animal and wraps his arms around his father's leg. The small dog draws closer, slightly tugging a female along. The child buries his face in a knee, but curiosity allows him to just take a small peak. The dog is just at arms reach from the pair as the father assures his son that it's okay. The boy becomes adventurous and decides to pet the smiling dog, like his father demonstrated. The father looks down and sees his son smiling from ear to ear, giggling away.
I firmly believe that pets are an important part of our lives. Those of us lucky enough to live with one know what I'm talking about. In my case, I have a Pekingese, a small dog, that will always greet me at the door with a wagging tail and an excited smile. The long day at the job just seems to melt away, if even for a while. I'll take a spot on the rug to do some homework and he'll just sit right beside me, until he realizes that he doesn't have ALL of my attention. At that point he decides to sit front and center. Right on top of my books. Can you believe that?! So I take a few minutes and toss a toy down the hall. The game of fetch doesn't last very long and now it's Tug of War. Gizmo's lighthearted personality is something I think everyone needs in their lives.
The effects of animals are almost magical. For years, dogs and cats have have been brought into hospitals to raise the spirits of people all around them. They put smiles on the faces of frightened children who battle their sickness everyday. Stroking the soft coat of the animal wipes away the periods of harsh, but lifesaving, treatments they have endured. Spending a few moments in the room, they melt away the worries of the ill by just sitting there. As if it was just another day, they make it look easy.
In nursing homes, they bring happiness and companionship into the lives of our elderly. Nostalgia sets in and the rekindling of cherished memories form. Loved ones. A pet from their youth perhaps. Smiles appear on the faces of people and laughter can be heard throughout the halls. Unaware of the shift in morale, they go from room to room brightening the days of people whose lives they have touched. The result is almost therapeutic.
Numerous studies have been made about the effects of people and pets. Its has been shown that happier people are ill less often. Inviting a pet into your life could reduce cholesterol and lower blood pressure. Taking a walk with your dog will get you out of the house and make you healthier for it. Especially so for individuals who have suffered from cardiac arrest. The daily activities required in keeping a pet, such as grooming, will help increase blood circulation and slows the loss of bone tissue. That is how pets can affect people. They can ease the uncertainty out of a young child or warm the heart or a lonely grandmother. Do they really know what they offer is priceless?
Post Write: My first idea was along the lines of how teens most teens lack responsibility among other things but that would break the preaching rule. So I decided to stay away from possibly stirring the pot and go for a lighter note. Briefly thought about chasing an idea about how a smile can change a persons attitude but that was the example given in class. Arriving at home and seeing how my dog can make me smile, it hit me. Animals can be the warm welcome anyone needs after a long day. At that point the creative juices started flowing and it all spilled over onto my desktop.
Sources: http://www.bhg.com/health-family/pets/care/how-pets-help-people/
Reviewer’s Name:____________Shane Batista________________________________________
ReplyDeleteDate: ________________9/17/2011____________________________________
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed:__________________Nelson Dasa – This I Belive Essay_______________________________
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
The assignment was asking my partner to write a 300-500 word essay describing something that he or she believes in. This should include explaining the belief and drawing from their own experiences. It can be made up however but must seem realistic and thoroughly explain the belief he or she is writing about.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
My partner has meet the expectations of the assignment because he has explained his belief which was about pets. He also kept it within the word limit and drew from his own personal experience as a pet owner, and even more so a dog owner. I like that part right in beginning where its describing all these various people and how they all seem to have their own way of appreciating there parrot, written in the form of a bunch of metaphors strung together. That is a great start to a paper, and a great way to grab the reader’s attention.
"A dog walks through the park with it's owner on a beautiful fall afternoon. A man and his son see them coming down the path. At first, the child seems apprehensive about this small animal and wraps his arms around his father's leg. The small dog draws closer, slightly tugging a female along. The child buries his face in a knee, but curiosity allows him to just take a small peak. The dog is just at arms reach from the pair as the father assures his son that it's okay. The boy becomes adventurous and decides to pet the smiling dog, like his father demonstrated. The father looks down and sees his son smiling from ear to ear, giggling away."
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
Some areas that can use a little more work is the ordering portentially of some of the paragraphs. The thesis isn’t stated until the second paragraph which may not be a bad thing but I almost wish the thesis was introduced at the end of the first paragraph. I think it would strongly reinforce the metaphoric beginning and then you can continue to develop those details around that thesis later on in the paper.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
What made you write about the belief in pets and how they can impact people’s lives?
Is this normally the process you take when you write a paper, with a metaphoric beginning?