I firmly believe that pets are an important part of our lives. Those of us lucky enough to live with one know what I'm talking about. In my case, I have a Pekingese, a small dog, that will always greet me at the door with a wagging tail and an excited smile. The long day at the job just seems to melt away, if even for a while. I'll take a spot on the rug to do some homework and he'll just sit right beside me, until he realizes that he doesn't have ALL of my attention. At that point he decides to sit front and center. Right on top of my books. Can you believe that?! So I take a few minutes and toss a toy down the hall. The game of fetch doesn't last very long and now it's Tug of War. Gizmo's lighthearted personality is something I think everyone needs in their lives.
The effects of animals are almost magical. For years, dogs and cats have have been brought into hospitals to raise the spirits of people all around them. They put smiles on the faces of frightened children who battle their sickness everyday. Stroking the soft coat of the animal wipes away the periods of harsh, but lifesaving, treatments they have endured. Spending a few moments in the room, they melt away the worries of the ill by just sitting there. As if it was just another day, they make it look easy.
In nursing homes, they bring happiness and companionship into the lives of our elderly. Nostalgia sets in and the rekindling of cherished memories form. Loved ones. A pet from their youth perhaps. Smiles appear on the faces of people and laughter can be heard throughout the halls. Unaware of the shift in morale, they go from room to room brightening the days of people whose lives they have touched. The result is almost therapeutic.
Numerous studies have been made about the effects of people and pets. Its has been shown that happier people are ill less often. Inviting a pet into your life could reduce cholesterol and lower blood pressure. Taking a walk with your dog will get you out of the house and make you healthier for it. Especially so for individuals who have suffered from cardiac arrest. The daily activities required in keeping a pet, such as grooming, will help increase blood circulation and slows the loss of bone tissue. That is how dramatic an effect pets can have on people.
Picture this..a dog walks through the park with it's owner on a beautiful fall afternoon. A man and his son see them coming down the path. At first, the child seems apprehensive about this small animal and wraps his arms around his father's leg. The small dog draws closer, slightly tugging a female along. The child buries his face in a knee, but curiosity allows him to just take a small peak. The dog is just at arms reach from the pair as the father assures his son that it's okay. The boy becomes adventurous and decides to pet the smiling dog, like his father demonstrated. The father looks down and sees his son smiling from ear to ear, giggling away. They can ease the uncertainty out of a young child or warm the heart or a lonely grandmother. Do they really know what they offer is priceless?
Post Write: After seeing some the chosen examples read in class I felt like I had missed the mark. The paper is well written, in my opinion, but seemed almost robotic while stating facts like in paragraph four. What remains to be done always comes down to editing process After reading it through,. I moved some stuff around but another set of eyes is always helpful. Do readers feel like there is too many metaphors and not enough personal expierences in the essay? Did you enjoy reading it? Was it robotic at times; not as personal?
Hi Nelson:
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I don't see your writing as "robotic" at all. The writing seems clear, natural, and thoughtful.
You do make a good argument for the beneficial effects of pets on the elderly and ill. The narrative from your own experience doesn't quite show us this, but rather an affection. Remember the assignment as well: to narrate evidence that shows when your belief was formed or tested. That's the piece that needs refining, it seems to me.
That said, I like this essay, for its thoughtful and focused approach to the topic.
Remember to separate your paragraphs with an additional space, okay?
why the shift to "you"--here and later on? Can you believe that?!
fragment? As if it was just another day, they make it look easy.
I would use a noun rather than pronoun at the beginning of a paragraph, no? In nursing homes, they bring
fragment? A pet from their youth perhaps
the effects of pets on people? effects of people and pets.
and pets make people happy? that happier people are ill less often.
fragment? Especially so for individuals who have suffered from cardiac arrest.
why the apostrophe?with it's owner
To summarize, the essay is good but needs to be more to the point of the matter. I dance around the fact but don't address it directly. My approach is unique and interesting.The essay could use some editing with rearranging of sentences, rewording and correcting punctuation.
ReplyDeleteI feel like you were fair in your comments and I will use them in the future. Reading the comments tells me that I need to get right to the point and make it clear what I am trying to say. that being said, are we allowed a 3rd draft and if so, will it be graded? Thanks.