UMASS Dartmouth
Transfer applicants must attach a one-page statement about the experiences and the reasons why you are considering transfer or resuming your academic career.
My Path
I had graduated high school and started working because I really hadn't decided what to take in college. I even applied to BCC but I never followed through. I started getting into a little debt and promised myself that I would work for a year, clear that debt and all the while, find out what I wanted to go to college for. I have artistic and culinary skills that come naturaly to me but I didn't want to chance becoming that starving artist. Although the culinary field wouldn't leave me "starving", it wasn't as fulfilling. Pun intended. Well, needless to say, none of that ever happened. My parents instilled in me that a well paying job was one of the most important things in life. But what about the things in between like satifaction in doing what you do? What about the things that I really wanted? I remember telling them that I was going to be lawyer because it was a job that would pay well and it would please them. This attitude is what started me down that path.
For over 10 years I have been in a rut in my life where I would just live paycheck to paycheck. Taking a step forward meant I would soon be falling 2 steps behind. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to get on par with anything. I felt like I was shackled in chains and being lead down this dark road by a demon. There had to be something more to life than this. Thirteen years later at the ripe young age of 32, I joined the National Guard. The military was always something that lingered in the back of my mind: I would serve my country, it would pay for my education, and offer benefits. To be a part of something bigger than myself. That was something noble but I didnt want to be the average soldier either.
How can I help my battle buddies as much as possible by more than just putting lead down range with an M4 rifle? I want to be there for the troops that defended our country. Perhaps I could help soldiers deal with what they saw out in the war zone. What makes people do what they do has always fascinated me. A very good friend in the field of pyschology once told me that most people who enter his field, try to diagnos themsleves. Was he right? Was I on a quest to discover more about myself? Am I doing this for the wrong reasons? I wanted to turn my questions into answers. I wanted to help those that felt lost, confused, or hopeless. I want to be that beacon of light through the fog of life that everyone gets caught in; Especially for my fellow soldiers.
With a good education, I can help people who need it most. Using psychology as a catalyst, I would fight the war on a different front. Helping soldiers recover from the damage that terrorism has wreaked on their minds would be my mission. With an education as my shield and the military as my sword I face our demons...prepared.
Post write: I think the revision process needs some work. Although the changes were made as suggested, I disagree with some of it. Resetting the paragraphs, I feel, disrupted the mindset I tried to create. A great example of this would be in the last paragraph and how it would tie into the first three sentences in paragraph 2 (which should be the start of the essay), setting the tone for the essay. I'm not really sure what remains to be done aside from more revision. Some arranging of paragraphs is questionable to me as stated before. After reading both drafts, how would you edit the essay? Which draft is more appealing to you and why? How far would you go for your education?
Hi Nelson:
ReplyDeleteI must say that this essay makes an interesting turn near the end, as you describe your desire to assist other veterans. It's not that the earlier information is less useful but I sense that, in a revision, you may want to work on a)transitioning to the work with vets more smoothly and b) elaborate, with even more precision, what there is about that work (especially in the light of the two wars that we are fighting) that is necessary and fulfilling.
I might also add that saying more about how the experience of returning to school at BCC has helped you shape your career goal. That might help as well.
You should probably write this out at first, no? BCC
didn't: didnt
note fragment? To be a part of something bigger than myself.
, especially : in; Especially for my fellow soldiers.
To summerize, I should transition to the work with vets much smoother and reinforce why vet care is neccessary and fulfilling. Also elaborate on how going to BCC will help me shape my career goal. Papers can always use a good editing process but I feel that you covered the essay thouroughly. I learned how to properly interview a person which can be very useful in many aspects of my career in human services.
ReplyDelete